Wanting What We Can't Have

Drew Sechler


Why is it that we always want what we can't have? I've often wondered that very question and then thought about all of the things I did have that others may desire and vice versa. These aren't always material things of course. Often times we desire a job that we can't have, or a person that we wish to date, or even the thought of someone else's life often sounds appeasing.

It's okay to want to accomplish something or "go after" what we really want. In fact that's great. But it needs to be something that you work for and that you earn. All the while realizing you may not be meant to be with a certain person, or maybe that job is not really for you. I think it's only natural to desire things that we don't have. I would like a flat stomach and a million dollars. One of those is more obtainable than the other (I'm trying to figure out which).

Nothing makes these "Keeping Up the Jones" attitudes worse than Facebook or Instagram. I love both of these social media outlets, but I'll be damned if people try to paint a picture that their lives are always dandelions and unicorns.

They're lying.

When we stop comparing our lives and our journeys with others, is when we truly become happier individuals. This is not an easy task for some. Especially if you know someone makes more money than you do, or someone just got married and you are still single, or someone has a full-time job and you have two part-time jobs. See what I did there? It's too easy to compare ourselves to others. Stop doing it.

Your life is only yours. You can share it with many people, but your journey is strictly yours. Decide the best way you can live it and go do it. Don't worry about criticism because it's going to happen anyway. Look at your failures as learning opportunities, and not really failures at all. It's called life.

Let's live it.

Getting there

I've never really been one to not be able to express myself, either through my writing or my voice. So as I continue to write, which is clearly my passion, or one of my passions in life, it should be noted that I continue to struggle with what I exactly want to do with my life. People ask me what I really want to do, and I can't always honestly answer that question. Is that a problem? I obviously love to write. I always have. I love politics, hence my political blog, Facebook page, and my Twitter account (shameless plugs).

But the trick is, how do you translate your passions to earning a paycheck for doing what you love to do? I've often thought of how great it would be to write for Reason Magazine, Heritage Foundation, Cato Institute or even a less known libertarian leaning or political outlet. Hell, I'd write for MSNBC or Fox News if they hired me (Maybe).

I also have a passion for giving people advice, and/or counseling, but I have no background in that arena. That shouldn't stop me of course, and I guess the moral of this short piece is that you should follow your dreams and ambitions no matter what someone tells you. I remember during my internship at the Salisbury Post back in college, I had one of the reporters (not naming names) tell me and pretty much every young intern there to "get the hell out of journalism." Bold words from a longtime stalwart of the Rowan County daily. I may have entered the journalism field at a terrible time, but I do still possess a journalism degree and I intend on utilizing it again. Mark my word.

One thing that I've learned and one thing that I must overcome is that I cannot let my past "failures" or shortcomings keep me from pursuing what I want to do. Living in fear or the fear of failing is no way to live at all. I've took a few kicks in the teeth from life, but so has everyone else. My only problem is that I haven't found my right niche, and finding that right niche comes very naturally to some, but not much to others. If you have found the perfect place for you and you're doing something you absolutely love, you are incredibly fortunate. Many people work years in jobs they hate simply because it's security. I never will be able to live like that.

I would rather be poor and happy, than to be well off and miserable any day of the week. Finding that balance is key and I am the only person that's going to make that happen. It's time to start making things happen instead of waiting.

So here goes nothing. Or maybe it's everything?

Answers

      I'm having a really difficult time here trying to make sense of senseless acts of violence that happen in this country. I, like most people are only seeking answers. Is there a solution? Some believe that through more regulation, we can prevent these acts of violence from happening. Others don't believe any regulation at all could stop crazy people from doing anything. I'm not sure where I fall to be honest.

I certainly am a proponent of the 2nd amendment. I don't think it's outdated in the least, and I think most people understand that no one is wanting to take away any guns as gun control supporters like to point out as if they're speaking to children. We've had these discussions before as mass shootings seem to be a monthly incident now. Some politicize the situation before the dust even has time to settle. We've gotten to a point in this country where people think that government is the solution to all of our problems. 

We do have a gun problem in this country. Guns fall into the wrong hands. Can we keep these people from getting their hands on these weapons? Maybe, maybe not? I think some provisions could work in theory, But real solutions shouldn't be theory-based. It's also important to have these discussions. Guns are dangerous, of course. I've never been a fan of guns, but I would like to learn how to use one properly one day, and I believe that if more people were educated and were taught and allowed to conceal carry, I feel like some of these gun violence victims could have or potentially could save their own life one day. Let's be honest, this problem isn't going to go away overnight. And more government regulation will probably not be the answer. Let's have open discussions about this and less finger pointing. I truly do not care if you consider yourself to be a social justice warrior because you believe in more gun control, or if you're a staunch conservative who wants to cling tighter to your gun. Enough with the division. Try and act like adults and less like children comparing who has the better bicycle. I am so over seeing both sides of the aisle constantly bicker. It's getting us no where. 

If you're the praying kind, keep these families of the Oregon shooting in your thoughts and prayers. Let's have some time pass and discuss things rationally. Not as liberals or conservatives, but as people with level-headed approaches. 

Mixing Jesus with your Huff Po

Okay, so as I was trying to think of a title for this piece, I didn't intentionally target any particular news outlet. Huffington Post just came to mind. My blog posts are usually inspired by what I read on Facebook (or through fill in the blank social media) on a daily or weekly basis. I try my best to just be a casual observer as my wide variety of Facebook friends post their political and non-political thoughts. I came across one last week associating Jesus himself as a political figure in our modern times. What would Republican Jesus Do? It read "Cut food stamp benefits, cut affordable healthcare, demonize the homeless, and block equality rights) Jesus wasn't a democrat, republican, socialist, anarchist, etc. Jesus was (if you're a believer) as the Bible tells us the son of God. While I will not make this post religious, Jesus can't be equated with what our government should or should not do.

Jesus gave out of the kindness of his own heart. Giving someone food, clothing, shelter, love are beautiful things, but doing it voluntarily, not through government force is another. Being against food stamps is not being a mean person. If you're for food stamps and government assistance, it doesn't make you a better person than the person who is against it. Give of your own time. Volunteer at a local food shelter, donate clothes, make Christmas shoe boxes for children around the holidays, but whatever you do, do it because YOU want to. Not because someone tells you. Giving out of the goodness of your heart will mean ten times more than sitting back and expecting our government to do it.

Yes, government assistance is a necessary thing on occasion, and even though I don't think it should be a means of living, I understand people endure struggles, and I'm not heartless enough to understand that.

But please, please do not say that Jesus would be aligned with any political party of our modern times because you think the government taking care of people is caring. Do something on your own. That's what Jesus would do.

Life in the crossfire

Growing up in North Carolina is not quite like growing up in Georgia, Alabama, or Mississippi. We are still southern. There is no doubt about that. We have our own kind of unique southern charm. Yes ma'am and yes sir. Please and thank you. We smile at strangers, which by the way, never ever try if you're in New York City. It's going to send the wrong message and you'll end of unknowingly "flirting" with someone, or you'll end up with a black eye. 

North Carolina is also not exactly like our neighbor to the south either. South Carolina is very much so still indoctrinated in the ways of the old south. I've never thought twice about the fact that the confederate flag still flew on the state house grounds in Columbia. I've been there before, but honestly didn't think twice about it. It means nothing to me. It's just a flag I told myself, and like many others think it's harmless. 

But is it? 

I sometimes get too caught up in my own opinions, but I always try to consider both sides of an argument. While I am mostly still indifferent on the issue, I do think that it's probably time that we retire the stars and bars to a museum. It is history. A very ugly history about a war of secession (You're welcome history majors). But sometimes the right thing to do is just the right thing to do. South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley called for the removal of the flag this week in light of the recent tragedy in Charleston. And many other individuals have echoed the same sentiments. 

My first reaction to this was, o.k. but is this going to change anything? Will it change attitudes? People's way of thinking? Is it going to make individuals "not racist?" Racism is still a real thing. It's not cut and dry, and it's not one-sided as some journalists and media members would lead you to believe. I've heard the term "institutionalized racism," more in the past year than I ever have before. I've struggled with understanding exactly what it meant and if it had any truth behind it and it wasn't another one of those made up terms to victimize individuals when they may not be a victim at all. Maybe it is a real thing? Who I am to say it's not? After all, I am white, and I am a male, right? The left in particular has tried to silence the white male opinion as much as possible because after all, anything bad that has ever happened is the white man's fault. There is some truth to that statement and of course I am being sarcastic, but I digress. 

Is removing the confederate flag the right thing to do? Simply, yes. But truth be told, I don't know what's to happen after that. It's going to make a lot of people angry. Most people will forget about it and move on with their lives. 

But will that proverbial flag still be flying?

People need to realize that others will always hate you just because you're you. Racism will always exist. I know that is a tough pill to swallow for some people and I know some people will argue that it will not, but as long as people are different, and as long as they come from different cultures, one side will always find angst towards the other. We have come a very long way no matter what anyone tells you. People of color are afforded every opportunity that my European descent relatives are given. Life is what you make of it, and if you constantly play the victim and are worried that someone hates you because you are a different color than your neighbor, well, that is not a life worth living in my book. I treat people the same. If you are nice to me, I will be nice to you. It's that simple. It's how my mother raised me. Doesn't matter what race, gender, nationality, sexual preference, etc. You will receive my respect and kindness if you deserve it.

I hope something good comes of this removal if it does happen. Maybe some people's attitudes and opinions will change? Maybe not? I guess only time will tell.

What is normal like?

Often times in this crazy world in which we live, we get caught up on each others differences, and trying to get along, especially in the social media age of today, takes us back to the playground at elementary school. I would venture to say most of us have varying opinions, and for the most part we are able to civilly discuss said various topics (even if they are political) without much damage or someone's feelings being hurt.

Not everything that happens in the world around us is going to be something we like or we agree with. Bruce Jenner (now Caitlyn) this week appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair, after her recent gender reassignment surgery. Gender reassignment and transgendered people are something that is not new. But for this topic to be in the limelight, and at the forefront of popular culture today IS new. Caitlyn Jenner is certainly not a transgender pioneer, as people such as Christine Jorgensen, Sylvia Rivera, and Renee Richards all transitioned in times when it was much less accepting as it is today. But Jenner should certainly be celebrated in her own right.

It takes guts to be yourself. 

If you have never had to not be yourself, then you don't understand what it's like. Being yourself is something that comes so naturally to most, but for others it can take years before they are comfortable being themselves. Please don't discount that fact if you don't simply understand.

It's O.K. to not understand everything of this world. My initial reaction to Caitlyn Jenner was that it didn't really affect me, and what someone does to their own body and with their own life has no affect on me. 

Sometimes we don't need to have reactions. 

A lot of people can confuse this with not being allowed to have an opinion. Having an opinion is a right. Whether that opinion will be well liked is another, but it's still a right. I saw many people share a photo of a double-amputee soldier with the caption, "Caitlyn Jenner won the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. The runner up was this guy: Army Veteran Noah Galloway, who lost an arm and a leg to a roadside bomb in Iraq, and now competes in Crossfit events, runs marathons, and competed in the 58-hour Death Race."

This fact has since been disproved, since ESPN does not award a runner-up for the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. The fact of the matter is, every year there is going to be someone that is absolutely worthy of the award but does not win.

Can we for once put down our self-righteous weapons and let people be who they are. Nothing is wrong with our nation for making things that were once taboo, normal. Being who you are is your normal. It may not be someone else's normal, but guess what? It's not theirs to have. You are you.

 Be yourself for god's sakes.